


Naomi

by blackwjngs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13x19 Coda, 13x19 Funeralia, Abusive Naomi (Supernatural), Canon Compliant, Canon Divergence, Coda, Crying, Duma Mention, Funeralia, Love Confessions, M/M, Naomi mentions, Rowena Mention, Sam Ships It, dean and cas use their words, dean finally finds out cas had to kill thousands of copies of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 07:29:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14373894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackwjngs/pseuds/blackwjngs
Summary: Coda for 13x19 of Supernatural, “Funeralia”. Dean finds out about Cas having to kill thousands of copies of him when he was brainwashed. Things get emotional.





	Naomi

**Author's Note:**

> Saw some people on twitter talking about wanting a coda where Cas tells Dean what Naomi did, and I want it to happen on the show so desperately I couldn’t resist. Soooo here’s this thing I threw together. Enjoy!

Cas slams the bunker door, brushing his hands together to get rid of the remaining sand. Dean emerges from the kitchen, holding an ice pack to his temple. 

“And how are those angelic douchebags doing, Cas? Dean asks, sitting down at the map table. “Ready to hop into mission impossible?” 

Cas doesn’t reply, instead staring pointedly at the ice pack and cuts littering Dean’s face. 

“What happened?”

Dean shrugged. “Rowena’s security. Truly the best in the business.”

“And Sam?” Cas asks. 

“Resting up.” Dean replies, adjusting the ice pack. “Rowena used some pretty heavy blood spell on him. He’s been knocked out for the past couple hours. I even poured some water on him. Nothin.”

Cas resisted the urge to roll his eyes at Dean’s childish humor. 

“He will be okay though, won’t he?” Cas asks, returning his thoughts to the matter at hand. 

Dean nods. “Sammy’s tough. He’s recovered from worse.”

Dean puts down the ice pack and leans forward to address the angel. 

“So, Heaven? They gonna help us?”

Cas sighs, and looks away. 

“No.” He says in a voice so quiet it barely counts as a whisper. “They can’t.”

A confused expression settles on Dean’s features. 

“What do you mean they can’t? They too busy being celestial pains in my ass to save the world?” Dean tries to joke to cover his annoyance, but he quickly stops when he looks across the table and sees Cas staring at his lap, nervously chewing his bottom lip. 

“Cas?” Dean asks, concern evident, “what’s wrong? What happened in heaven?”

Cas presses his lips together and looks away, not knowing if he can look Dean in the eye without bursting into tears, or running over to him and collapsing into the warmth of his arms. 

“It’s bad, Dean. Really bad. Heaven, it’s, it’s shutting down.”

Dean is even more confused than before. 

“Shutting down? It’s heaven, how is that even possible?”

Cas sighs and resumes looking at his lap.

“Heaven is powered by angels, by our grace. In the past few years, our numbers have shrunk significantly. I was told there was ten, maybe eleven of us left. They can’t help. They don’t have the power. Everything ounce of their grace is going into keeping the lights on.”

Dean is shocked. He always thought of heaven as some ever-present place, never beginning, never ending, just existing. And what Cas is telling him, he can’t believe it. But he can tell by the fear and pain in his friend’s voice that he’s telling the truth, and he’s damn terrified. Before Dean can reply, Cas speaks. 

“Duma told me that we could help each other. Unfortunately, their help will only come once we find Gabriel, and Gabriel creates more angels, which is impossible since we don’t even know where to start looking for him.” Cas laughs painfully. 

“And somehow,” he looks at his hands. “That’s not even the worst part of the trip.”

Dean doesn’t reply. What can be worse than finding out your home is fading out because most of your siblings are dead?

Cas made eye contact with Dean for the first time since he returned to the bunker. 

“I could use that beer now.”

————

Dean sets down a beer bottle in front of Castiel, popping the top off before he does. Cas takes a big swig of it, then puts it down and grimaces. 

“I don’t get how you and your brother drink this so much.”

“Shaddup, it’s delicious.” Dean jokes, attempting to lighten the darkening mood he feels growing around them. 

Cas shrugs. “It’s actually fairly disgusting, but it’s helped me forget things I’d rather not remember in the past, so I figured I’d try it again.”

Dean smiles. “What, see an old hookup up in the sky? Just your luck they’d be one of the ten that survived.”

Dean earned a small smile out of that one. 

“You know I never did that, Dean.”

Dean chuckles. “I know, Cas. Just trying to cheer you up. You seem even more off than you usually are after a trip upstairs.”

Cas resumes the staring contest with his lap, quickly setting the beer aside and shutting up. Dean thinks he said something wrong. He tries to remedy the situation. 

“Hey, Cas. I’m sorry. I know what it’s like to lose your home. It was a long time ago, but I still remember the fire, and how I watched Sammy’s nursery burn to the ground. You don’t get over something like that in an hour. It’s okay to be upset. I’m not gonna judge you for being sentimental for a place that was good to you for so long.”

Cas smiles. 

“I wish the good memories were what was triggering this.”

Dean cocked his head. 

“So this isn’t about missing heaven?”

Cas slowly shook his head, not knowing if he was going to be able to tell Dean what happened. What Naomi did to him was bad. Traumatizing. So awful that when he saw her standing in front of him he wanted to throw up and cry and hurl the couch at her, but he was too scared to even move. He wanted to kill her. And permanently this time. He wished Metatron had finished the job. But still, all he could do was stare his abuser in the face as he stood, cemented in his own fear. And then he had to listen to her try and befriend him, try to act like she didn’t ruin his entire life, try to pretend that she didn’t make him kill thousands of copies of Dean, and nearly kill the real one. He had to stand there and pretend he was okay because it was the only thing he could do. And as he thinks about it, and stares into Dean’s worried eyes, he breaks. 

The first sniffle triggers the first tear to roll down his cheek. Dean catches a glimpse of it. 

“Cas?” He asks, concern lacing his voice. “What happened in heaven?”

Cas sniffles again. 

“I can’t, Dean.” He says, voice choked up by the sobs he’s holding in his throat. 

Dean moves around the table and sits in the seat next to Cas, swiveling the chair to face his friend. He stares at Cas until they make eye contact, and he can see the tears pooling on his bottom lashes. 

“Cas,” Dean says again, “there is nothing you can’t tell me. There is nothing that I wouldn’t try to help you fix. I’ve never seen you like this before, man. You gotta talk to me, you gotta let me help you.”

Cas takes in a shaky breath. 

“I can’t tell you, Dean.” He says, fear evident in his eyes, which Dean picks up on. 

“Cas, please. I just told you, you can tell me anything. You’re terrified. What the hell did you see up there?”

Cas looks away, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

“Naomi,” He says, not moving to look back at Dean.

Dean raises his eyebrows. The name makes his blood boil. 

“Naomi? The bitch who brainwashed you into nearly killing me? I thought she was dead.”

Castiel shrugs. “Didn’t stick.” He whispers. 

Dean’s angry. He’s angry that someone who caused Castiel so much pain got to live. He’s angry that he never talked to Cas about all this before. He’s angry that he was so focused on himself to realize how badly Cas was hurting. 

“I’m so fucking sorry, Cas.” Dean chokes out. He doesn’t know what else to say. 

Cas looked at him nervously, like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words, or maybe the courage. 

“What is it, Cas?” Dean asks softly. 

Cas swallows, looking away from Dean for a moment. He takes a deep breath and flicks his gaze back, eyes locking onto Dean’s as if the key to take away the pain can be found in the bright, meadow green. 

“She made me kill you.” Cas whispers, “thousands of times.”

Cas doesn’t break the stare. He can see Dean searching for words. Cas speaks again. 

“She broke me out of Purgatory to make me a soldier again. Factory reset, kill off my humanity. And part of that was killing you. Thousands, upon thousands of times. And Dean, every single one of them hurt. Even towards the end when I was just going through the motions, it hurt. Up in heaven, she acted like nothing had happened. I told her what she did, told her an apology is in order, and she smiled. She doesn’t care that she broke me. She’s probably proud of herself. I need heaven back Dean, I just don’t know if I can be around her without breaking down long enough to fix it.”

By the end of Cas’ speech, Dean has joined in with tears of his own. 

“Y-you had to kill me? Thousands of times?”

Castiel nodded. 

“W-why?” Dean stutters out. “Why me? Why only me? Why not Sam or anyone else?”

Cas looks at Dean with a mix of pure love and pain in his eyes. 

“Because you’re my weakness,” he whispers. 

Dean can’t bear it anymore. He grabs the angel and pulls him into a hug. As his head is buried in Cas’ shoulder, tears spilling onto the coat, he mutters out a phrase he can’t keep to himself any longer. 

“I love you, Cas.”

Cas shudders out a breath and hugs Dean tighter. 

“I love you too, Dean.”

And Sam says nothing about the overheard confessions as he slips into the kitchen to get water and ibuprofen, and he only smiles the next morning when he walks in on them sleeping on the couch, legs tangled up in each other’s.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a different opinion of how this scene would go, lemme know! This is one of my fave topics and I’d love to hear others perspectives :)


End file.
